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Gattsu3145
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Name: Mark
Country: United States
State: New York
Metro: Long Island
Birthday: 3/14/1985
Gender: Male
Interests: Anime, Tennis, Samurai, video games, video games with samurai in it, movies, and other crap that you probably don't give a crap about.
Expertise: I'm pretty good at tennis, decent with video games, and I fucking rock at Naruto 2 for the cube SO COME AND PLAY ME BITCH anddddd..I dunno I'll have to think about it.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Milliardo45
Member Since:
4/7/2004
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| Heh it's been a very long time hasn't it. It's pretty late so my thought process isn't very strong at the moment. However I need to post, to get this out now before I forget about it. I don't know how it will go. I want it to be long enough to get everything out but I don't want it to be long just for the sake of being long. So I can't promise you anything after so long. This post will also not be about what has happened to me in the past few months so if you're looking for that I'm sorry to disappoint. I'm here to talk about what I've observed through the years. I'm here to state how I feel about things, about how things are going, not with me but in general. Some of the ideas I use will not be my own but a variety of peoples' of whom I've talked to. Basically what I'm saying is that I'm not giving credit to anyone for using their ideas or opinions. The past two or three sentences is the credit you will get unless I need to use your name. So I don't mean to disappoint anyone or steal anyone's ideas but I think if I combine them it'll be a better post and if I do so without having to worry about who said what then it'll be easier. If THIS is too much for you then I'm sorry to disappoint you in that aspect as well. Anyway that is my little disclaimer. I'm going to use your ideas and maybe talk about things you don't want to hear. THAT is an even more to the point disclaimer. So there you go. Now to get on with it. I'm not sure how to start at all. In fact I may even just leave with a disclaimer and write the rest of the post later on, but I dunno. If things don't start rolling in a few minutes that's what I'll do. Here we go. I've come to realize lately that everything is pointless. There you are, an opening to my story. Why do people strive so hard to achieve things? What satisfaction does it give them? Why do people work so hard and/or do things that they think is expected of them? Who is this universal person who expects such things from everyone? You can say God I guess but not everyone believes in God. So that rules out that possibility. So then who else could it be? Why do people, teens in particular, work so hard to get a job or work so hard at school? Why do teens jump right into the work force so eagerly? And why are the ones who don't jump into it labeled as bums or weak or any of that? Does it really matter? Does any of what I just said even matter? Does this post even matter? I've found that nothing does. None of those questions need to be answered. Even if they were who's to say the answers would even be right? There really isn't a point to anything is there? There's no point in wondering why things are the way they are. There's no point in worrying about things. What is there to worry about honestly? A friend recently told me that their father was afraid of bird flu. But why? What's the point of worrying about things that may or may not even happen. If it happens it happens. Is there anything you can do about it? What would we do if the bird flu actually mutated and started to destroy us? What could we do about it? Are we going to find a cure in time to save anyone? We can't even cure things that have been around for centuries. So what are you worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. That's like people who watch the news so they know what's going on with the world. What's the point in worrying about it? Are you going to personally go to Iraq and kill all the rebels who are giving us trouble? Are you going to personally go to New Orleans an build houses for everyone who needs them? Chances are you're gonna sit there, say "that's such bullshit what the fuck is going on and why isn't anyone doing something about it?" and as soon as American Idol or some other show comes on you'll forget about it as soon as you grab your phone to vote for the next tone deaf star of the future. As for the people in power are they doing something about it either? If they were, if people truly cared don't you think things would have been solved by now? Sure it takes a lot of money and a lot of manpower and supplies to fix what Katrina has done but if we were truly devoted do you think there's even the SLIGHTEST possibility that things wouldn't have been cleared, fixed and in working order already? Instead people are too worried about making money, striving for things, for achievements that make no difference in anyone's lives but their own. People sometimes ask me why I love Christmas so much and it's because it's a time when people stop fucking around and come together. Families come together and everything just..seems to relax for at least a small period of time. HOWEVER as of late I've lost faith in even Christmas for it's become just another commercial holiday where people use it to make even more money. The human race has ruined itself and everything around it. Which leads me to my next point. The human race is a virus. Yes I know it sounds like a rant that Agent Smith gave in the first Matrix but completely forgetting about that speech and seeing the way the human race acts it wasn't hard to come up with the same conclusion. We use up our natural resources and move on to the next area. We're a plague upon this world. I've been writing a story lately but as of last night I've come up with an idea for another story. I'm not going to give anything away or mention any kind of plot but it has to do with us being a virus. Sticking to the virus thing what if we one day gain the ability to start space colonization? Then we will truly be a virus. We will be the virus in the body called the Universe. We will go from planet to planet spreading like wild fire claiming resources for ourselves and wiping them out just as we have on this one. Even if it takes thousands of millennia it's still a viral process no? After thinking about this I read something that justified my virus theory even further. I found out that we, in fact, are truly viruses. It is not a theory it's true. We have spawned from a virus. It happened..billions of years ago but this is what happened. A single celled organism became infected having..no immune system. The single cell on its own was just that, a single cell going about it's days doing..whatever a single cell might do. However once the virus infected this organism it gained enough energy to extract more energy from oxygen thus allowing it to develop into more complex organisms including multi cellular organisms. Therefore we have been spawned from a virus. It shines light on the reasons of why we are how we are no? Though everything really is a virus in that case. I guess we just developed into more destructive viruses. We are the ebola of this world. While other organisms are just minor head colds. Anyway I did start this post with the intention of giving a biology lesson. I started it to show how things are completely pointless. So onto that theme. People continuously go on and on about how you should get a job and how you should go to school. If anyone breaks that or goes outside of that they're shunned. They are brought down, called bums and other shit like that. But why are you working? Why are you going to school? To make money? Why does everyone care so much about money? To get things that you don't really need? Does it really make you happy or do you always want more? Chances are you'll always want more it's the way everyone is. But then why not make enough so that you're happy? Why make MORE than that? Is it to impress people with your money? Is money that impressive? So you can buy things that other people can't buy like porches and large mansions and various other things. Does that make you any better than anyone else? Does it make you happy? I guess if it does then go for it who am I to tell you what to do. What I am going to say is that you shouldn't press the idea of making ridiculous amounts of money onto other people. Everyone constantly says "make a lot of money and live happily ever after" but how often does that happen? I think only 2% of the population of the US has 97% of the money in the country. So that means that the rest of us share 3% of the money. Meaning we have next to nothing. So why worry about it? Why try to be in that 2%? Will you be happy? I don't know I'm not you. What I'm trying to say is stop. Leave the people who don't care about money and material things alone and let them do what they wish to do. No one cares about the things that are actually important these days. Now I'm sure I'm gonna get a bunch of people who go "who are you to say what's important and what's not" but if you feel that way then don't read what I have to say. I'm merely throwing my thoughts into this post. Anyway the things that are important that's where I left off. No one cares about each other these days. People would rather backstab, lie, cheat, and push and shove their way to the top of things rather than care for one another. Now I don't mean to turn into Barney and shit and start singing songs about hugging and kissing and shit. I mean not screwing each other over and intentionally tearing people apart. It's why I hate cheaters so much. ESPECIALLY why I hate cheaters so much. People who cheat to me are the scum of the earth. Especially the one's who do it just to do it. The people who can't keep it in their pants or keep their panties on. The one's who gain their lover's trust to the fullest and then turn around and stab them in the back. And a lot of the times the stabee doesn't even know that it's happened. It makes me sick to the absolute core of my being. People who lie to someone's face, people who break promises that are deeply important to the promisee, people who cheat are absolutely worthless and are absolutely disgusting. And hence I've described the entire human race. Completely disgusting to the core. Ready to put people down rather than help. But will anything change? No it will never change. It's funny when people call me nice or say "oh you're such a nice guy". I'm not nice. There's nothing NICE about me. I'm a human being how can I be nice? The only thing I am is civilized. If you're going to call me nice you're actually calling me civilized. I'm called NICE because I'm different from a lot of people out there and there has to be some name for me. Like a friend has said to me only a few hours ago I am an outcast of humanity. And I'm more than happy to be. I will watch as the rest of you fall deeper and deeper into the disgusting habits you all enjoy so much. I will even join you in one aspect. I will attempt to gain money as best I can but not for me. Well yes for me so I can live comfortably. But not just me, a family as well. That's all I want out of life. I want a family. Someone who I can wake up to and go to sleep next to KNOWING that I have their love. And why want more than that. I can want material things but they're like drugs. Only temporary fixes of happiness. Who needs drugs, who needs material things? They're both worthless and if you think you need them you're just as worthless as they are. But we're all worthless when it comes down to it. What are we doing here on this little blue ball that circling a large yellow one? Who will be remembered and for what purpose? If the human virus is cured what will be left behind? And what will find the remains? Will the finder be any more significant or worthy than we are? Or will they like us be worthless having no meaning. You can say that there are important people in the world. In history there were important people. You can say that...Caesar was important. You look back and you say "jeez he's been known for a significant amount of time he's shaped the way this world was at one point." but who has he shaped it for? HUMANS!!!!! Insignificant people who play no role in anything. We are all meaningless. We are born, we eventually do the same thing that EVERYONE IN HISTORY has done and we die. Is there an afterlife? We don't know but there's a good chance there isn't. And if there isn't then what is it when we die. A void, a black void. And we won't even be able to understand that void since our brains will have stopped functioning. There is no point to anything. What one person has done SOMEONE along the line has done. Even if you change something that will affect a massive amount of people. Someone somewhere has affected someone somewhere in some way. So scale really doesn't matter. Having said that why worry about anything? If we're all going to die and everything we've achieve will mean nothing then why worry? You can worry about being happy. As long as it doesn't cost someone else their happiness why not? If you're here for a certain amount of time then why not enjoy it and stop worrying about petty things like money and material things. To jump back to a topic from before I was talking about nice guys. It's commonly said that nice guys finish last. I believe it big time and I think I know why. It's because girls are not used to nice. They only know the assholes that are "normal" the ones that treat them like shit. So when a nice guy comes along they're scared of him. They don't know what to do because it's not a normal thing. That's just a guess. Girls do not know what to do with a nice guy because there are so few of them and the ones that treat girls like shit are in massive abundance therefore they're scared of the unfamiliar. I don't know why I've decided to bring that point up. What I'm really trying to do is justify my indifference towards everything. Maybe not justify as much as show why I am the way I am. I see no reason in worrying about material things. I dunno. Maybe I'm just an idiot with too much time on his hands. Maybe I'm just sitting here typing words that people will hate me for later. They'll say things like "what?!! he's just a poor, ignorant loser who has nothing so he doesn't enjoy the material life and decides to shoot down everyone who has more than him". All right. Whatever you say. Your words are meaningless just like you are. Just like I am. There is no meaning to life. Everyone constantly says that. Well maybe not constantly. But asks the question "what's the meaning of life? why are we here?" There's no meaning. We're here because a virus infected a single celled organism billions of years ago. That's why we're here. And when we're gone it won't matter. And after we're gone the sun will eventually explode and wipe out all the other planets in the system and our history will be erased from this universe. Unless we space colonize in which case we'll just spread and destroy wherever we go. But eventually we'll die out. And where will the meaning be then? There was no meaning to begin with. To put it into even simpler terms..we're an accident. Something caught a cold and we popped out and evolved with the ability to think higher than anything else that's all. That's about all I have to say. I know eventually somewhere down the line someone will use my words against me. Someone will say "WELL YOU SAID IT WAS MEANINGLESS ANYWAY DURRRRRRRR" and obviously you weren't reading or comprehending a single word I've said except for the durrr part. If you've actually read everything in this post I thank you very much for caring enough to do so. If you have something to say please by all means comment. I most likely won't have an answer for you if there's a question but I'll do my best I guess. But thank you for reading I appreciate it for those of you who have gotten through my boring post. I had to get it out. So thank you for putting up with me. Hopefully someone will come away from this post going "...hey that makes sense". If not there's nothing I can do about it. Like I said before maybe I'm just some idiot with nothing else to do at 3:30 in the morning. Thank you all again. Have a good night, morning, whatever. Goodbye. | | |
| So I'm fucking back. I was gonna write a whole big thing. I was planning it and thinking about it in the shower and now that I'm here and ready I really don't wanna do it. But I do at the same time. Whatever I'll start it off and if it goes somewhere it goes somewhere. Really first I wanna say that it's fucking funny how every time I wanna write a serious post on how I'm feeling Fungadeh Q writes a post like 2 days before me about how upset he is and usually it's exactly how I'm feeling at the same exact time because yes I do believe we were separated at birth. There's no fucking doubt in my mind that we're blood related. Even after he hasn't posted and I haven't seriously posted in like..2 months NOW he writes one and it's the exact same time I wanna write one. Really all of this is to say I'm not trying to be like Fungadeh Q and steal his ideas and feelings and shit and this is how I really feel. So basically if you start talking shit about my post I'm gonna fuck your sister on your bed and jizz all over your pillow. I've done it before why not now. ANYWAY you sons of bitches. Lets talk about fucking school and how I wanna fucking kill myself there. The people I actually care about already know how my teachers are unless I didn't tell you Fungadeh Q in which case I'll get on that the next time we talk I promise unless you don't give a shit which I completely understand and I love you and fucking miss you so much. Anyway who really gives a shit about the teachers right now. The point of the story is how I fucking don't wanna go anymore. I've fucking gone for a week and tomorrow will be a week and a half and I don't wanna go anymore already. This morning THIS MORNING I had to grab my own hair and pull myself up out of bed and FORCE myself to go to my Asian Culture class in the morning. The only reason I didn't skip is because I was afraid he was going to assign topics for a research paper that I don't give a shit about but have to be there for. As it is I don't wanna go to fucking Statistics tomorrow. This is after a week and a half. Sitting here thinking about it I think I know why too. It's because I've decided whole heartedly that I was going to go for Criminal Justice. I had my mind set I was gonna switch. And now that I've taken my first Criminal Justice class I wanna fucking kill myself. Really it's my professor's fault. Because if he actually taught instead of making us go into groups every day EVERY FUCKING DAY WE GO INTO GROUPS!!!!!! So far we've met 3 times and we've gone every time. With fucking people that I fucking hate. These people are fucking...mutants. There's ONE kid that I MIGHT get along with and that's only because he doesn't fucking talk and he's actually nice. The rest of them are fucking retarded. There's this one loud obnoxious black girl that fucking..oh god I just wanna pound her in the fucking face until the blood pours out of her eyes. There's another kid Ed who's fucking loud and thinks he's funny and thinks that I think he's funny. Where does it fucking say in the book that receiving a slight fake grin from someone qualifies you to be a fucking comedian. YOU'RE NOT FUCKING FUNNY!!!!!!!!! STOP WITH YOUR JOKES AND LAME SHIT THAT NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's really why I don't wanna fucking go to school. Cause now I feel like fucking..CJ isn't the path for me. For those of you who are fucking stupid and should get punched in the fucking ribs until they break and impale your lungs CJ means Criminal Justice. Next lets talk about life in general and how Im close to fucking killing a priest on a sunday in a church in Rome. And for those of you fucking emo cock suckers fucking just die. Just fucking die with your whining and crying shit that makes me wanna fucking stab a lithuanian kitten in the fucking eye. I'll even take a play out of my girlfriend's book and tell you to break your fucking armor for sleep and dashboard confessional CDs and slit your wrists with them. What's the fucking matter did Hot Topic run out of your fucking little wrist bands with the gay fucking stars on them. I don't even know what they're called cause they're fucking retarded. I hope you get fucking gored by a fucking bull. So on to the fucking story. I was gonna put this up top but really when I think about it who the fuck cares. Really who cares about this journal in general. Fucking probably no one reads it now that I haven't posted in fucking forever. And really do I give a shit in the first place. I come on and look to see if there are comments every now and then but I don't give a shit if you've read it or not. So here's the fucking story I'm sitting at my fucking dinner table eating dinner and I'm actually talking to my family for once. Then all of a sudden I start to fucking choke on my dinner. Like seriously I can't breathe for a few seconds choking on what I'm eating and my parents are locked in a convo so I figure they'll look over to see if I'm all right. Not even a glance. I was coughing and choking for a good 30 seconds I swear to god. Not one fucking look. Not even a fucking middle finger in my face for making too much noise. THEN I started to laugh hysterically because I realized that they didn't even look to see if I were alive and my father started making fun of me telling me that I was a bitch for acting like such a girl all I was doing was choking and I should stop being a baby. Good I'm glad. Now I'm sure fucking people are gonna be all "oh what are you complaining about my life is so much worse and you should be thankful that you even have a house and a family with food on the table to choke on" fuck yourself. Just plain, simple, original, no twist, no creative added adjective fuck yourself. Don't fuck yourself WITH anything ON anything in any COUNTRY during any EVENT on any special DAY just fuck yourself plain and simple. We are talking about me not you. ME not YOU. Can you read that. Should I fucking enlarge the size of the fucking thing so you can read it? Tell me I'm a fucking complainer. Like I fucking give a shit. I get the fucking shit end of the stick on almost every fucking event, deal, situation, whatever almost every fucking time. And tell me when I fucking complain? Unless you ask me what's wrong and you honestly wanna know and I fucking trust you when do I fucking just come out and fucking complain? When have you fucking known me to come over, talk online, write a letter, start a phone conversation that goes like this "hey, holy shit you wouldn't believe what fucking happened to me today my life is so awful" and fucking tell you about what the fuck happened unless you fucking ask me? If you can tell me then tell me right now OTHER THAN THIS FUCKING SITE you tell me when I've fucking complained to you. And if I have I'm fucking sorry. So fucking sorry to put all my shit on you. Like Ferger King I fucking try to be the nice fucking guy and make people comfortable and I get fucked over in almost every case because i'm the fucking "nice guy" and what the fuck does the nice guy get? Shit. I have fucking two good things in my life and those two people are the only fucking reasons I'm holding on to my life instead of fucking lying in bed sleeping a good portion of my life away or fucking attempting to. TWO good things. And I'll fucking say it right now Diane and Ferg. There you go. Fucking give me shit about singling out people and not being one of them. Go ahead. You fucking think I give a shit about you? I give a shit about them that's really it. You think I give a shit about material things? Why don't we take a look at christmas before you throw that shit in my face. My fucking christmas was awesome but you know what? To sound like a spoiled little bitch my girlfriend and my best friend WHOM AREN'T EVEN RELATED TO ME!!! got me more shit than my entire family put together. TWO people got me more than 8 people put together. So you fucking sit there and tell me that I care about material things. That's not really true because really I consider those two my family more than I consider my family family. I really don't know where this is going at all. I don't like it. It's not me. These fucking things that I"m saying are definitely the heat of the..day..moment thingy. But there's definitely some truth to it. More than not. I watched Smallville the other night and fucking...it was the greatest smallville I've ever fucking seen in my life. Without a doubt it was the best. And I fucking..it changed my life. From that point on I fucking...I dunno. Something moved a little on the inside. I don't know if it was for better or worse but I just..I haven't stopped thinking about it since then. I dunno who watches smallville or whatever but I definitely won't say anything about it because..you really should watch it. Even if you haven't seen a single episode and you watch this one you'll sit there and cry your eyes out. I was so close to crying it was ridiculous. Everytime I start to watch it, since I downloaded it, I start to get all choked up. All right I"m trying to relax I really am. I dunno what else I can do or say. I can say that I wanna thank the two that I've mentioned more than anything. I say that I hate life more than anything. Then I say that you two are the reasons that I'm still living and getting up. So logically you'd think that I'd resent you for keeping me here but absolutely not. I love the two of you. Yes in completely different ways but it's true. You're my family more than the people who share blood with me. So thank you. I thank you with all of my heart for being there for me when I needed you and still being there for me now when I need you. I appreciate it so much. Thank you. As for the rest of you cock fucks. Just die. Really it doesn't matter if you're alive at this point. Just cease to exist. Once again this is all heat of the moment stuff. I mean most of what I say but..really if you're gonna take this to heart in the first place then take those last few sentences as things that I mean. I think I"m gonna end it there. I love you. Goodnight. | | |
| Good MORNING IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICHI~~~GOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Oh hi there. It's been fucking forever since my last post holy shit. I deeply apologize for that. Actually no I don't because your mother still hasn't paid me. I know I say that all the time but you know what? I'm about 3 steps away from living under a fucking bridge so if she doesn't pay me...that's just fucked up. Okay onto serious matters I haven't posted in awhile and I almost wanna make up for it. Not really cause..who cares about this journal anyway. I mean seriously if I just left it at this is anyone gonna comment going "MARK WHAT HAPPENED!?!?!?!?!" and get all teary eyed and shit? Get the fuck out of here. Also I'd like to state that if this journal just stops it's because I died. See, before I was shaving and I cut one of the beauty marks on my neck. I've heard that sometimes they don't stop bleeding so really..I should be dead in a few minutes. In which case you'll know why the post has stopped. Actually that really doesn't make any sense cause if I'm dead then the post wouldn't be sent in the first place unless someone found my body and saw that I was typing a post and said "...we should send his last post" and played dramatic music as their hand crept closer to the mouse to click on the send button. But I mean..that's a worst case scenario right? And who would click on the button in the first place. The police? My mom? Why would they do that. Really in writing all this crap I'm wasting your time and mine. STOP WASTING MY TIME WITH YOUR QUESTIONS ALL RIGHT!?!?!? No seriously my neck is fine I bandaged it up and everything's spectacular I love you enjoy your life. I was gonna type a whole big post and shit but I dunno now. Though everytime I say that I always end up typing this fucking huge ass shit that takes up half the planet. HALF THE PLANET!!!!!!!!! No seriously stop fucking around with me or I'll fuck your sister. All right now that I"m sitting here I realize I don't wanna type a big paragraph..or anything else for that matter. Essentially I've wasted both of our time's HOWEVER this was really just to let you all know...all both of you..that I'm still alive. Have a nice night. JA NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! | | |
| AH HA HA HA HA HA Marcos has lost his mind. WHO!?!?!?! WHO AH YOO!!!!!! I can't take itttttttt I have the worst headache everrrrr. Who's the cause of this you might ask? ADRIENNE!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA Every 3 seconds she asks me what she should do. She's 35 and she doesn't know how to do her own job she has to ask me, someone who's in twice a week for a total of 13 hours. I DON'T FUCKING CARE!!!!!! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA And being in this room with all these people for...4 hours I've realized one thing...I really do think that women believe that they'll just..die if they stop talking. It's gotta be. They talk about absolutely NOTHING for HOURS. How do you do that? Seriously women. How do you do that. Why do you do that. There are...::looks around:: 3 guys here and none of them are talking. None of them including myself. And almost every woman is talking. W..why? STOP IT!!!!!!! I'm sorry I don't mean it I'm just..I've gone crazy. I honestly want to get up and run around for awhile throwing up on people. I would too but I have nothing in my stomach so..there wouldn't be anything to throw up. Oh well. Maybe I'll just drive my car into a tree. ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've had enough. I can't wait until Diane gets her sexy fucking ass down here. Can't wait for it. Who can wait for it? Not this guy. DEFINITELY not this guy. HA HA HA HA I love you all give me a hug. Bye bye. | | |
| HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I'm back. It's been awhile. I don't have a lot to say. Actually I do but I'm not gonna say it cause I've been typing for like...25 hours now and I don't wanna type anymore. Basically this post is to say hey..there's a new post in my third journal and hey..I indeed have a fourth journal now. I don't care if you want it because basically I don't like you. Unless you're one of two people. In which case I'll think about sending it to you. So there you have it. New third, new journal. I love you all. Bye bye. | | |
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